|
Stephi,
That's how you signed it on my mirror before leaving for Kansas! Remember? Stephi! You know what? I've never stopped to think about all the wonderful memories and moments we've made for each other and how could we forget the ones the special ones we've created together? It is really amazing when you stop to think about it. Do you remember when were slow dancing at that one dance (can't remember the name, sorry!) and that one song by Usher was playing, "U Got It Bad" or something? You were in my arms, it felt like the first time I had ever held someone in my life. Everything was so perfect, then we left the dance early to run all the way to McDonalds while holding onto each other for dear life! You ordered a warm Cappuccino and I got a McFlurry for some reason. Then we held each other again and walked back to the entrance and waited for my dad to arrive, but he was already there. It was so much fun. Before the dance, we watched Silence of the Lambs you kept commenting on Agent Starling's nose because it was so big! Hehe. For dinner we had Subway, you had the turkey on wheat with all your favorite toppings. It was the same sub that you got when we watched the Emperor's New Groove together, it was the first movie we ever watched together. That was the night we went to RIOT, but I was happy because before even riding with you to RIOT I was privaledged enough to ride with you home! My nervousness was killing me, sitting beside you, looking so cute and warm. I wanted to give you a big hug or even a small peck on the cheek, just because my heart was telling me to. It was too early in our relationship though! Everything has fell into place perfectly since then, it's all coming together nicely and everyday it seems like our love grows a little more. Sometimes, there are going to be times when it seems like it's not or may even be doing opposite and the moment will be so intense. Don't let that scare you like it did me, it's just us doing our jobs and worrying about things. You can't have love without the falls and spills that come with it, it takes hard work and dedication to build a relationship that involves true love that lift you high above mountains where eagles fly! Sadly, there are ups and downs to everything. That is why it's important to talk about everything and communicate the way we do. Just like we said so long ago, our relationship is an open relationship that involves pure heart-to-heart talks and communication without leaving anything unsaid. We have so much to be proud of and we are worthy of this love that is in our grasp. It's always going to be there for us, I'll always be able to love you and you'll always be able to love me back the way I want you to and it makes me smile so much knowing that you can love me back the way you want to. It's unreal, it's a dream, it's a touch of heaven. That is what love is to me! I never want our love to change, only grow stronger and more confident, the exact way it's going to change and has been since the first we fell in love with each other. I'm glad that we both realised how far our love will go when we were seperated from each other, back when you went to Kansas to visit Katie and friends. I wanted you to go, so you'd be happy and be able to feel like you were at home again, because you said that made you happy. It absolutely killed me being away from you, because of how I was viewing everything that was happening. Not being able to talk to you, see you, but sit back and watch the minutes count down and continue missing you. Breaking my own heart, day after day. It was the worst feeling in the world, being all alone and have no one to wipe away my tears that seemed to keep flowing. The love that you had given me, I felt like it was taken away or going to be kept from me. It was because I was telling myself these things, allowing myself to be down and sad. Instead of listening to what my heart was saying, my mind kept telling me all these awful things. Telling me that I was falling out of love and I wanted to listen, because it hurt so much inside, feeling like the only love in my life was being stolen from my tender heart. It was the biggest mistake of my life. I can look at things with open eyes now, that's what being away from you taught me. I can smile, laugh, and be happy with myself and know that in my heart there is always going to be a love waiting for me on the other side of the rainbow or wherever. That love is you. My love was only growing stronger as those days passed, that's why I was missing you so much. Longing for your touch, longing to feel your lips on mine, longing for you to be in my arms again. I wanted to feel safe in your arms, so that all my worries would vanish again and I'd be able to look up and see the only meaning in my crazy life. I still do that, because it helps to close your eyes and pretend that the world doesn't exist and your only surroundings is a sweet and passionate love that only one person in the world can bring you, but can bring you for a lifetime. It helps to know that when you open your eyes, that person is going to be waiting for your eyes to meet their eyes too, because that sparkle that naturally forms is only found where there is a desire that burns like an inferno, that desire is the love that I know with all of my body and soul we have for each other. In exchange for your heart, I have given you my world and my promise to love you as you are and who you are in my eyes. That is what Kansas led me to believe, so no, I never fell out of love if that's ever been on your mind or dwelling in any sort of doubt. I don't want you to ever be confused by that or let yourself be worried about our love or how I feel about where we are in our lives together. I know that there's a lot more for us to see, a lot more for us to say, to do, to be, to give and take from each other. It will take time, just like everything else and when the day finally arrives when we can sit back and smile, look at each other, and say "Look at this. Look how far we've came", we'll be able to confine in that love we've built together and never give up making it better. Tomorrow is already here for me, because I know that's where love is, and love is where we will always be. There's nothing more I want in this world, that the passion and intimate feelings and unexplainable emotions that are still present as you read this and wonder if it's all true, because it is true and the honest thoughts that linger on the edge of my heart, always waiting to let you know them. All this love, happiness, and joy can only mean one thing. I am totally in love with you, Stephi. You are the love of my life. Allow me to repay all your kindness by continuing to give you the courage to always be happy and loved, enjoy the rest of our days together. You've already repaid me by allowing me to love you. I'll never fall out of love, only deeper into this ocean of love that continues to welcome the waterfalls that keep pouring more love into the star-filled sea, where our dreams clash and wishes meet in the dreary night. You can always meet me there, in our dreams or wherever. That's where my love will be, wherever your heart is and that's with you of course. I love you! I'm only falling deeper into this majestic love.
I'm sorry for always wondering or worrying about whether or not I am or am not loving you the right way. It's not that I don't believe you, it's just hard to see sometimes. Please, don't be upset that I ask questions or worry, at least I take the time to worry and do care about how you feel. I may not do it in the right fashion, but at least I care a lot about how you feel inside. I care more about how you feel than how I do. That's the honest truth! Believe me. I love you! |
02-26-2003, 06:10 AM
_
_
_
Linear Mode
