Young & Unwilling (PG-13)

[Myukoi]

((I wrote this story as a sort of kingdoms roleplay, but i don't use town names because i use it on my main website about my character, anyway the town is "Bomboria" it is in the pub, and i just made up a waitress with the pretty red hairstyle and thought of hurumis waitress looking body, and came up with this girl.))

It was raining heavily. Willow had sought shelter in a cave near the edge of the forest. The sun was going down and the glistening wet bark of the trees looked ashen in the falling sunlight.
Normally the rain wouldn't bother her, but Willow wasn't up to braving any storm today. She'd stay here for the night and leave in the morning, towards her destination. A town not too far from here.
Concentrating her energy she procured a ball of fire and lit some trigs she had found on the cavern floor. The light was warm and pleasing.
She was much more comfortable now than last night. She had come upon a small village and stayed at a tavern. There had been a girl there waiting tables. Rather lovely, with blue eyes and dark, red hair.
Willow had been watching her all night, sipping ale at a table by the fire. When she had called the waitress over for a fifth time, Willow had flashed a seductive smile and asked her to sit down.
When the girl tried to say that she was busy, Willow grabbed her arm and shook her head.
"Come now, talk to me... I haven't had anyone to talk to in so long..."
The girl nodded slowly, afraid of her and sat down.
And that's how it had started. Willow thought of the Coven Of Seduction, and initiating this girl. But things had not gone well at all.
The young waitress had been most unwilling in the room Willow had rented for the night.
Willow grew frustrated with her. It wasn't a good night to make her mad. But after strangling her and tasting a bit of her blood, Willow felt much better.
"I've got to stop doing this." She thought with a laugh as she fled the tavern before anyone knew what had happened. "I'll never find what I'm looking for if I'm thrown into jail."
But in reality she knew that she could pay or seduce her way out of anything. And that's why she laughed. Such near sarcastic thoughts always brought a smile to her face.
And now, laying down in this dark cave she wished she hadn't made the whole trip this far on her own. Although in some ways she was glad for the silence and solitude she had now.
Willow laid down on a blanket as she spread amongst the dried leaves littering the cavern's floor. Tomorrow when she reached her destination everything was going to be set in motion. A darkened grin flashed upon her lips and she drifted into a peaceful sleep.

[GoZelda]

Then a bunch of angry villagers came into the cave and killed her.

[Satrek2000]

All I will say about this is that I'm uncertain whether PG-13 is what this piece should get...

[Monkeyboy_McGee]

Originally Posted by GoZelda

Then a bunch of angry villagers came into the cave and killed her.

And stuck her head upon a pike, displaying it at the town gates, don't forget.

[Myukoi]

Do you not like my story? I would like to see you do better. I really would.

[protagonist]

I don't see why this is PG-13.

Nothing blatantly evil is in it. It's not like it's soliciting prostitution.

[busyrobot]

Originally Posted by Myukoi

Do you not like my story? I would like to see you do better. I really would.

Its just....the whole evil sickly seduction thing is.....


It just doesn't really make for a good rp. You have a character that is twisted and basically uses people, tries to take advantage of them, and naturally when you RP with people - no one is going to fall into your trap. Maybe some newbs that don't know you and don't rp, but when you RP with text like *flashes evil seductive smile* it kinda gives your intentions away.

Its also not conducive to social roleplaying, as it requires victims and no one really wants to play one of those.



I think part of what people may not like about the story is that it the main character is an antagonist, not protaganist, and usually you want to see the antagonist get whacked in the end. Most people like a story that ends in resolution, not 'and the horrible serial killer went on and drifted into a peaceful sleep'.

[Ziro_Vitrudestec]

I like this story of Willow. As for playing it game, it can work well as long as you have friends or other people who will play along with it- thus, meaning it's not a problem. Work on grammar and/or punctuation for your roleplaying- and it'll be better.

Also, this does make a good character. It's unique for your special ability to be one of suducing. While other people are trying to RP as Gods (literally... take Bosh as an example) and being rewarded for it (Bosh gets a nice rank in the Pirate kingdom), you'll be RPing a great unique seductive character and noone will care (you can already see why 2 kingdoms/leaders wouldn't care for your character)- such is the nature of Graal kingdoms: level up and don't RP...

[Myukoi]

Thank you, Ziro. It was not meant to be a recording of a roleplay on the game, and when i was in the coven of searith on valikorlia, the leader was a succubus, so we seduced many people, she sucked the persons soul out via sexual organs, etc etc. It works pretty well. It just wouldn't work on Graal Kingdoms.

[Ziro_Vitrudestec]

Originally Posted by Myukoi

It just wouldn't work on Graal Kingdoms.

That's because RPing on GK is virtually non-existent.

And don't believe everything you read on these forums. Plenty of people tell their say in RPing or claim to be RPers, but go find them in game- see what they're going. Find me- see what I'm doing. You'll see for yourself.

[--Chris--]

You're a sick person.

[Myukoi]

Originally Posted by --Chris--

You're a sick person.

I am not, the story is wonderful. You most likely didn't read it, you despise me and so does most people here, so they just think i cannot do anything and say i'm sick or it's stupid.

[Lucreto]

Myukoi is an odd person >.> Thats all I have to say. Though her strange style of rping/story-making dosent really bother me to say the least.

[Satrek2000]

Originally Posted by Myukoi

I am not, the story is wonderful.

The point is that some people don't share that opinion. Despite what I posted earlier, I'll tell you what I think: first, it's just a fragment - no real introduction of the characters, and no real ending. You don't get an idea why who does what, no motivations and such. This way, you don't get readers to say "and what happens next?", nobody's interested in what happens to a character that does some things for no appearant reason, and has no aims the reader is aware of.
Second, the story is about a woman who - just like that - forces a young girl into her room, does things to her that she does not want, then kills her - just like that. If she had any motives, it might work out better, but she doesn't. If there was a point to it, it might be a bit less strange, but there isn't.
The whole seduction-thing may work in a roleplaying context, if all the participants agree, yet keep in mind that nobody likes others trying to tell them how to behave. Also, you hardly ever get to kill anyone in rping. From a certain point of view, killing someone after forcing them to do things they did not want is kind of sick.
I, personally, do not like the story for both reasons mentioned above - it's a fragment without motivation, presentation or conclusion; and the contens is questionable for me, at least without any kind of motivation or conclusion.

Third, not that related to the story, but I still want to mention this. You not being liked (or despised, as you say) by some is at least partly your fault, in my opinion, seeing how you behave like you had the only valid points and ideas in an argument, not being diplomatic or arguing for your case on a logical base. If people think your story was sick, then it's their opinion, and while there's no need for you to subscribe to that, you should accept it as their's.

[GoZelda]

I don't truelly think the story was sick - it's fictional, and what people do in real life is even worse. But I have to agree that your aim is a bit unclear in the story. (For Willow's RP profile : http://www.freewebs.com/stormymoon/profiles.html )