[kingcj]

It needs a lot of work. You need to look at it as a person who doesn't have any clue what the server is about.
Also you should concentrate more on a backstory than a storyline. The storyline bit is very hard to do on a multiplayer game.
Some players hate a storyline and would rather quit than have to watch a movie. Other players might be fine with the storyline, but it could be a turn-off for some of graal's population.