Cool, but, uh, I would rather see shards of rock and ash in a Graal level than just the words.
As far as the writing goes... It's interesting, but I think it would be better if all verses, save the last, had the same number of syllables. It goes smoothly in my head, but sometimes the reading feels a tad bit bumpy. And it's a little awkward. (I think there's an average of 8 syllables per verse, and that feels right.) But other than that good job.
